It is 2016 and your basic outfit consists of a khaki green bomber jacket (satin, preferably, for that added lux factor), recycled tattoo chokers (added points if you’re still using the same one from fifteen years ago) and a pair of Adidas Superstars (no brownie points if they’re the same pair from 1995 cause ew). There’s no question about it– the casual chav look is so out, it’s in. And speaking of what’s hot, don’t mind the chilliness of your décolletage because if you’re wearing an off-shoulder top, you’re so “lit” the heat might just swallow you whole.
Personally, i wouldn’t say that i’m a sucker for fast fashion trends because…that’s not exactly a compliment to myself. Eventhough yeah i totally am a heaux for trends tbh.
Exhibit A: I have a septum piercing which i got pierced mid-last year. Hurt like a bitch, but you know what hurts more? When someone tells you they admire your bravery and that they love your piercing and you have to tell them that you’re a liar, a fraud and your name is Poussey because it’s just a clip-on. Yeah. Tell me what pain is now. **Gold star if you got that OITNB reference!
Exhibit B: I have bought more than one brown lipstick in the span of the past 10 months. I didn’t actually realize how far the trend would go, i only knew that lipstick shades were getting more and more muted so in December, i bought a basic creme Revlon lipstick in the shade “Fleshtone” which looks exactly how you’d expect it to. Then i got ahead of myself, misjudged the trend and bought an orange metallic lipstick. Yeah. Wow. S’okay guys, i made a wrong call, u-turned and i’m on the right path again. It’s all good now. But then liquid lipsticks got HEATED. UP. So i reinventoried on Lime Crime’s Shroom and Taurus from ColourPop and earlier this year, you couldn’t tell me apart from all the “earthy grunge” wannabe basic bitches if you tried 🙂
Exhibit C: I don’t own “the” pair of sunglasses from Dior but i did get a similar pair from a cranky, stingy old man in Hong Kong who almost wept when i tried to haggle the price down. As if i don’t suck at bargaining as it is. But the point is, it’s silver, it’s reflective, it’s flat and it looks like a pair of Aviators on speed.
Exhibit D: I own three pairs of chokers. A tattoo one, a black velvet one and one covered in black daisies. I have also stepped out of the house with a ribbon, an elastic silk hairband, a scarf and a flat rope tied around my neck on several different occasions. So yes, you could say that i’m very invested in this aspect of the trend.
Exhibit E: I own more than 2 pairs of ripped jeans that i destressed myself. The thing about ripped jeans is that they only get better in time. You can try and youtube it and be all neat about the incisions and the placement of the scissors but it’s only a matter of time before you wake up an hour late for a meeting and groggily jam your leg into the wrong hole while also brushing your teeth. Before you know it, you’re essentially wearing denim shorts with specially attached denim cuffs at your ankles.
Exhibit F: My best friend gave me a Jeffree Star Skin Frost highlighter (shade: “Ice Cold”) for my birthday. Not that i wasn’t already disguising my cheeks as disco balls before that because I totally already was. But i feel like this has just cemented my position as a total highlight freak, which just so happens to also be a major trend this year.
Exhibit G: I own two off-shoulder tops that i rarely wear anymore because i wore it so much when i first got it that i legit feel i need to chill the fvck out for a while, so we’re taking a break indefinitely.
As for the rest, as if i haven’t convinced everyone that i’m a total commoner/peasant for fast fashion, i almost almost bought a pair of Adidas Superstars on my trip to HK but i ran out of money and my boyfriend wouldn’t buy it for me because he’d already bought me a pair of white sneakers the day before. Lol. (Trust me, i tried, there was a lot of “But this one has black stripes on it!” “Pleaaase, i want it so badly, IT’LL COMPLETE ME!” “Eugh i hate you, you just don’t want me to be fashionable!” “You’re ruining my life!”, foot stamping, tears…the works).
I also own a pink silk bomber jacket! But i don’t wear it anymore because i literally cannot move my arms in it, like, i’d have to drink and suck my food through a long bendy straw the entire day if i tried to. Not that that’s such a bad thing, now that i think of it. There are worse things out there that people do in the name of fashion right?
Anyway, TL;DR: I’m kind of a basic bitch.
If this were a quiz, my results would be: Has never tried a Pumpkin Spice Latte but would undoubtedly be a fan of it upon first sip.
$43 – yoins.com