clothing

I’m pretty sure that by now we’re all familiar, or at least, acquainted with that mild sting of disappointment and resentment that we experience whenever our parents subject us to a session of mild taunts and heavy jests while they poke fun or ridicule at an outfit choice.

Whether it’s our chokers, ripped jeans, ombre hair tips or grey lipstick, they always have something to say while completely disregarding the ludicrousness of the trends back in their heyday (although, to be fair, bell-bottom jeans are slowly but surely easing their way back on the scene).

I remember all too well the day i returned back from my six-month stint in Bandung, Indonesia with a fresh septum ring the size of a tiny doorknob hanging from my nose. Most kids are filled with dread at the thought of the wrath of their parents at their children’s choice in facial jewelry. I, on the other hand, was dragging my feet off the plane for a completely different reason. And rightly so. Not only was i greeted with peals of laughter, i was also made to endure an entire week’s worth of cow jokes from my family. I’m glad everyone found it all so “amoosing”.

So i thought i’d dedicate a post for all the fashion-forward clothes that i can envision myself leaving the house in or have tried to wear a variant of at some point paired with the reactions of my parents. These are mostly fictitious examples of my parents’ responses but believe me when i say, i write out of experience. All of these things have been said to my face at one point or another. I’m not being imaginative or exaggerating, simply realistic.

Welcome to an insight of what it’s like to be a “fashion forward” kid in a typical Asian household.

Fashion example #1: Culottes

Image result for ROSIE ASSOULIN cut-out floral culottes

Cut-out floral culottes, Rosie Assoulin

“But mum, they’re so comfy!

Mum: “No, no, you look like ahjumma. So ugly”

** Asian mother speak for “I would like to have grandkids eventually at one point in my life so could you please stop dressing like a spinster in advance”.

Note: Has never been to Korea but thinks she’s watched enough Korean reality tv to know what qualifies to be an ahjumma.

Fashion example #2: Capes

: Heart-shaped fur cape, Saint Laurent

Dad: Eh what’s this! You look like that, like that, what’s that called ah? *starts humming the opening tune to Sesame Street*

Me: I wouldn’t expect you to understand, dad! It’s fash-

Dad: Ah! Elmo!

Me:

: *Has a muppet bitch fit*

Fashion example #3: Crop tops

Cropped kimono sweatshirt, Fenty Puma by Rihanna

Dad: Um girl, i think your shirt is too small for you. And what’s this, i can see your belly button. Later masuk angin ah, better cover with scarf (really, dad, a scarf?)

Me: But dad, it’s a crop top! It’s supposed to be short!

Dad: Haiyah what’s this. Then better suck it in.

Me: I already am!

Dad: *glances at my tummy disbelievingly*

Fashion example #4: Fur loafers

Princetown leather loafers, Gucci

“But mum, it’s the trend now!”

Mum: “What is this, like bedroom slippers not bedroom slippers liddat.”

Dad: “OMG ARE YOU WEARING HACHIKO?! Hachiko, are you okay?! Hachiko, where are you?!”

*Hachiko is the name of the family cat.

Hachiko looking severely unimpressed with my dad’s annoying~~ly lovable~~ sense of humor

Fashion example #5: Rompers

Off-shoulder striped playsuit, Yoins.com

Dad: But how do you use the toilet? Do you have to take everything off? Eh better be careful in public toilet ah, girl, better check if got hidden camera or not first-

Mum: I think it’s riding up your crotch, girl. You need to pull it down more.

Me: *pulls it down at the crotch area while simultaneously showing more cleavage on top*

Dad: Ah! My eyes! My eyes! Pull it back up! Pull it back up!

Fashion example #6: Floral blouses

Pussy-bow silk blouse, Gucci

Dad: Eh girl, are you wearing Ah Ma’s tablecloth kah? Har har har

Me:

I can’t help it if i have similar tastes in clothing as my grandmothers! Their outfits are always so comfortable and so extra with the bunga-bungas. And not to mention, like, super practical with their colourful stirrup tights.

Nothing says “a day at the market” like stirrups

Although once, a long while back i went to give my grandmother a ride to the supermarket. I was wearing a hideous old t-shirt and faded sweats with my hair in a loose half ponytail and my grandmother actually said to me, “Ahh machiam ini baru bagus ah, Yenyen. Tidak payah pakai itu makeup tebal-tebal, kasut tinggi-tinggi” (this was back when i still wore heels).

I’ve never been more insulted in my life.

Chokers 2.0 by stylesircuit

It is undeniable that chokers have been the “it” accessory as of late. I know it, you know it, your mom knows it, which is why she’s finally stopped telling you you look like a dog on a leash whenever you leave the house. However, as much i try to disregard ridiculous fashion rules, i have to say that my love for chokers have been an unrequited one as they do nothing for my chubby jawline. I hate to be that person who says that certain trends are only for certain people with the appropriate body type, face shape, skin tone etc,. But at the same time, i can’t wear a choker and look at my selfies, mirrors and other reflective surfaces and lie to myself that my neck is still there when it’s clearly done a vanishing act! On a normal person, they’d probably cut your neck length in half. On me, chokers just cut off my neck. Period.

But first, let’s talk about the choker trend as a whole. Personally, i’m really embracing it because i sincerely feel like chokers can really transform a look. And i know that is the most cliched phrase that a fashion writer can use but think about it:

Basic chiffon button-up blouse: boring, bland, matronly, unimaginative, so-wholesome-i-can’t-even.
Basic button-up blouse with a thick, silk choker: edgy and retro-esque af.

Exhibit A: Emily Ratajkowski

But recently, i’ve started to notice that the trend has moved into daintier regions which happen to be a little more merciful to neck lengths than its precursors. I’m talking about tie chokers, the bolo tie’s chic cousin from the city. It’s basically just a long piece of thin string, preferably made out of suede-ish material that you can get at the craft store, that you loop around your neck a few times before tying it into a knot or a bow. Like legit, that’s all there is to it.

But I’ve always personally really liked the idea of tying silk ribbons, string, a skinny scarf around the neck as a makeshift choker. In fact, i never even thought of it as a DIY because it just made complete sense to me. But then i saw a friend the other day wearing a ribbon choker which looked something like this. But when she turned around i realized that it was an actual choker that she’d bought from a store with a clasp and everything. I’m not being a cheapskate or anything but you can literally buy an entire roll of it from the craft store for four dollars. Amiright?

I first got the idea when i was bingeing on Fashion Citizen’s vlogs (don’t you just love those girls! Such a spearminty breath of fresh air in a sea of cunty clickbaits) and i noticed that Melissa had a different choker on almost everyday. It turns out that they were just pieces of strings and ribbons that she tied around her neck according to her outfit of the day. But what i noticed even more were her understated chokers of suede “cordage” that she took to looping around her neck. Here’s her DIY video on it (skip directly to 13:28 for the tutorial and 18:22 to see how good she looks with it):

Isn’t she adorable! I’m such a fan of the choker trend that i always have one in my bag with me at all times, just in case i need to get turnt at a moment’s notice. Shut up.

And sure, there’s always the fear that someone is going to get itchy fingers and think of your ribbon/tie choker as an invitation to choke the shit out of you via the ready made noose around your neck. But all in the name of fashion, amiright? …

That’s all for now! xx