Realistically Speaking

T.M.I.: The thing about exes

The funny thing about exes is that everyone makes a big deal about bumping into them and wondering how they’ll tell their current girlfriend or boyfriend about it. Personally, i don’t think it should be a big issue unless: a) you flirted with them and you feel guilty about telling your partner about it because you know it’s wrong but technically, you didn’t do anything wrong, b) your current partner is an unreasonable, controlling psycho with irrational fears and crippling insecurities, c) you still have feelings for them or d) a little bit of everything.

Image result for sipping tea gif

For example, a while ago an old fling slid into my DMs wanting to “catch up” (but honestly, non-conceitedly speaking, i don’t think his intentions were in an actual catch up catch up but like a catch up catch up...do you get what i’m saying?) while pulling all the stops.

Helpful tip; if you’re going to have even an inkling of a chance at making me put my relationship at risk, you should at least look like Zayn Malik and be like, a billion dollars richer. Just as a side note, I don’t see any harm in showing a little bit more effort by sprucing yourself up a bit and slathering on some appeal with your offer. And maybe try something more original than the “i want to get to know the new you better/it’s been so long” card.

For instance, if you were going to try and lure me out of a glistening five-star restaurant where everyone knows my name and there’s a free flow of champagne and all the caviar my greedy heart desires… to instead eat at some warung in a dark alley in the middle of the night, then at least tell me something like… i can get my fill of nasi campur with five different toppings for a tiny fraction of the price and that i can help myself to all the telur masin they have to offer, right? Don’t just stand there in your selipar Jepun in front of the alleyway and be like, “bleaaaaah warung food is guuuuud i likeeeee tohhh” and expect me to come running.

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So it didn’t come off as too much of a surprise to me when he swiftly moved on and proceeded to block me off Instagram when i wouldn’t play ball. While i really dgaf, to go to such lengths just to hide a stunted, fleeting and admittedly regrettable acquaintanceship is baffling. Almost everyone has exes, we all have pasts, i don’t know why any delusional person would be offended by the fact that “omg i can’t believe you dared to have a life before me! You mean you weren’t just sitting around and waiting for me a.k.a. the love of your life to fall into your lap?”.

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So a few weeks back, my boyfriend comes rushing home and shoves his phone under my nose. It’s his ex come back to haunt him, as if moving a thousand miles away wasn’t enough of a deterrent for her. Unfazed and slightly amused, i read through the conversation and pass him back the phone.

Bewildered but relieved, he asked me if it bothered me that he’d replied so cordially towards her. To which i replied “not at all” because: 1) i’m confident enough that he loves me and that our relationship won’t suffer any considerable losses from the exchange, 2) even if he somehow, by miracle or witchcraft, falls back in love with her, then i’ll have successfully dodged a rusty bullet anyway, and 3) even if he does go back to her, he’ll find out soon enough again that she is nowhere as interesting or bedazzling as moi.

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So, no, i wasn’t worried in the least.

Although, if there is one thing that i have to say irked me the most, then it’s the fact that she called me fat! Again! I mean, to text my boyfriend and casually flirt with him and ask him why he hasn’t been to see her lately is one thing when she’s already married and a mother; to tactlessly imply that i’m nothing but a child for not wanting to get married yet is another (but thank you nonetheless for indirectly saying that i’m young, i don’t get that a lot nowadays tbh *blushes* BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT) but to call me fat when there are so many other things that you can call me out for is unacceptable! Zero points for originality!

I won’t say that, yes, i may have more chins than a Chinese phone book but i can always lose weight while you will always be ugly and hyprocritical on the inside yadda yadda yadda because that makes me equally as unoriginal (although i did technically just say it). I also won’t say that i have better brows than you and that your foundation could use a good five layers of pore-minimizing primer underneath and that you look like an expired D-list kpop idol trainee who’s one butt dance away from being a comedienne because…that would just be petty, right?

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The first time she said it was five years ago when my boyfriend and I were just starting to date, during their final meeting when he told her that we were official and to stop contacting him for good (just to clarify, at this point they’d been broken up almost a year already but were still talking). So being the gracious new girlfriend who was way younger and fresher, i let her snarky remark go. But half a decade later and after much stalking of my profile, it seems like my weight is still the only thing that she can use against me. And to that i say, to each her own coping mechanism.

So, the point of this post, is that exes should be harmless to your relationship if treated right. To anyone who is dating or is a psychotic, insecure boyfriend or girlfriend who balks at the idea of your partner encountering their former flames, i wrote this post in hopes of making you think. About yourself, your partner and your relationship.

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And if you’re also the type of psychotic, insecure partner who flat out loses their shit when their boyfriend or girlfriend so much as breathes the same air as someone else of the opposite sex, the point of this post is to let you know that somewhere out there is a special asylum that’s waiting for your primitive mind to check into.

P.s. I’m sorry for the gif heavy post but STYLESIRCUIT being a BS-free zone made it unfeasible to post actual relics.

Fashion posts resume next week! But i hope you enjoyed yet another T.M.I. post from me ❤

xx

SS

 

 

 

 

 

 

T.M.I.: Wedding Edition

In case you haven’t clued in on how contrary i can be, here’s a thing for you: i don’t like the idea of marriage. It scares me, it bores me, it tires me and the very idea of it is just eye-rollingly dreary. I’ll probably find it interesting sometime in the future, like when i’m forty-five and when my milkshake has curdled and turned into milk powder, but for now, at twenty four, i don’t understand why i can’t live my life like Kourtney Kardashian.

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Life goals right there

BUT, exhausted of his supply of emotional firearms (i.e. bribing, begging, blackmailing, the works), my boyfriend, upon coming across the realization that he’ll never trap me into walking down the aisle without the help of chloroform, duct tape and some rope… finally put his foot down and delivered an ultimatum to my doorstep– on the literal first day of the new year, i kid you not. Whether i like it or not, he’s going to propose to me sometime within the next 365 days and if i say no, he’s going to be all “BYE FELICIA” on the next flight back to Jakarta and get himself a submissive mail-order bride from Turkeminsjizkistan or something. He’s only thirty but i swear, he thinks he’s milk or something and that he’s going to expire any day now.

Don’t get me wrong, i love him and i know 100% that he’s the one for me, but this has gotten me S H O O K to the core. To be honest, the problem lies with me. I’m terrified of pouring myself into the mould that society has carved out for the general population. Blue for boys, pink for girls.

And I know every marriage is different and that there are plenty of people who are genuinely in love and who have managed to get hitched without losing qualities of themselves and without gradually turning into maddeningly boring cookie-cutter wives slash baby-making machines (do not even get me started on my dormant maternal instincts if they even exist). But i was just simply hoping to go down a less-trodden path.

But hey! I also don’t want to be fifty, surrounded by my loom band creations, sitting in the corner of my apartment and crying to Taylor Swift’s “Back to December”, do you get what i’m saying?

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Potentially me

Plus, it doesn’t help that my mum keeps telling me that i need to seal the deal asap because she truly believes i won’t be able to find another guy in the world who’s man enough to handle my sass. Like, mum, i am a hot commodity okay, how dare you-

But i have to say, ever since our discussion, i’ve started to think of the kind of bridal image i want to project and what kind of wedding i want to be remembered by. For example, do i want to be a sappy bride with a huge, stark white, flouncy dress that i can practically float on water in and walk down the aisle resembling a three-tiered wedding cake? How many people do i want at my wedding and is four an acceptable number (i.e. me, the groom, the officiator and Meryl Streep)? Can my wedding also double as a rave? If not, then can i get married at a rave? So far, i’ve come up with about eight answers per question. Here are some of the answers.

  1. What kind of dress do i want?

a) I high-key want to be a classy hippie bride with a garden wedding à la Olivia Palermo, skorts, messy “i just ran through the woods in slow-motion” hair, granny cardigan and all. Then i’ll sail down the aisle with a simple bouquet of daisies and sunflowers to demonstrate how minimalistic and how unfazed i am with this whole wedding thing and my guests will whisper to each other about how zen and humble i am as a bride. I’ll smile beatifically and my groom will be reminded of how lucky he is to be with such a saint. IT’LL BE PERFECT.

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St. Olivia Palermo

b) But i also really want to show up like this:

Credits to: Frida Xhoi

BAM BOW DOWN, BITCHES

I’m allowed to look like a beautiful, graceful chandelier on my wedding day right? In this scenario, i’d definitely want a discreet hoverboard hidden underneath the folds of my dress so i look like a goddess skimming down the aisle, no less.

2) What kind of wedding cake do i want? 

a) I really wouldn’t mind a simple, two-tiered bouquet cake for display purposes to gorge on myself after the event like this one from Rice Tree:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BLpCJq5AYE3/

Aww, look at how gorgeously understated it is!

b) But i also legit could do with a cake the size of a Christmas tree, like this amazing behemoth of a cake made by LeNovelle, crazy talented giant wedding cake specialists who so happen to be based in Indonesia. I’m not even kidding.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BLKyRhAA-RF/

damostjuadang.com

Not only do i want it to  be adorned by baby pink ostrich feathers, i want it to be adorned by baby pink ostrich feathers while sitting on its own damn cake swing. In fact, i want it to be able to sing to me as we cut it. It’ll make all the other wedding cakes look like peasants in comparison. IT’LL BE GREAT!

I don’t even know tbh. While this post was more on lifestyle territory (new category alert! “Realistically Speaking”) rather than fashion, it was just something i wanted to use this platform to write about. I don’t think i’ll ever be one of those people whose main goal in life is to be attached at the hip with some other person… i enjoy my own company too much for that. Because let’s face it: any old fool can get married if they’re boring enough to settle for anything and anyone. I just plan on doing things differently. So, shout out to the elderly, stop asking me when i’m getting married.

Fashion posts will resume by next week!

xx

SS